Divrei Rav Josh- Parshat Vayeshev: The Messenger of Success

While we can read the Joseph narrative explores many  themes about growth and development, the early events in Joseph’s life are particularly important for teaching us about the difference between being successful and being a successful person.    In his Torah commentary on Parshat Vayeshev, Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson writes that Joseph’s conduct reveals that while this a young man possesses great gifts, Joseph has not learned how to live out those gifts with humility.   Artson writes:

“Joseph has the potential to fill his life with friendship, family and love. Yet his need to be preeminent, his need to belittle the gifts and experiences of this family in order to glorify his own talents, isolate him from his own kin. We get a clue about the extent of Joseph's pride from the very start” (Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, “From Pride Comes Loneliness,” The American Jewish University Torah Commentary).

As Artson reminds us, Joseph’s downfall as a child begins not only with the transparent favoritism shown to him by Jacob, but also through the way in which Joseph gleefully reminded his brothers of that favored status.  

In the beginning of Parshat Vayeshev, after we learn of Joseph’s favored status in the eyes of Jacob, we learn about Joseph’s dreams, each of which alludes to Joseph’s eventual ascendancy over his brothers.   Yet rather than keep these dreams to himself, Joseph shares the information with his brothers.   The Torah records the following encounter:

“Joseph dreamt a dream which he told to his brothers, and they hated him even more.   He said to them, “Hear, if you please, this dream which I dreamt: Behold!--we were binding sheaves in the middle of the field, when behold!--my sheaf arose and also remained standing; then behold!--your sheaves gathered around and bowed down to my sheaf.   His brothers said to him, “Would you then reign over us?  Would you then dominate us?”  And they hated him even more, because of his dreams and because of his talk” (Bereishit 37:5-8).

When we read Joseph’s description of the dream, one wonders what precisely triggered such a powerful response from his brothers.  On the one hand, the content of the dream is certainly cause for concern from the brothers, yet one could argue that Joseph is merely sharing an unconscious experience with his brothers, and thus Joseph does not warrant this fratricidal wrath.   However, our rabbinic commentators will remind us that it was both the message and the messenger that ultimately led to the brother’s hatred of Joseph, and will teach us an essential lesson about how we engage with others.

In particular, our rabbinic commentators focus on the Torah’s statement that the brothers hated Joseph not merely “because of his dreams,” but also “because of his talk.”  In his commentary, the Ramban writes the following:

“And they hated him even more, because of his dreams and because of his talk”: The explanation of because of his dreams and because of his talk is that they hated him for the dreams and also for the relating [of the dream], which he related to them like a braggart, as it says, “Hear, if you please, this dream which I dreamt” (Ramban on Bereishit 37:8).

According to the Ramban, not only did Joseph recount dreams that were, in and of themselves, likely to arouse hatred from his brothers, but Joseph recounted those dreams in a manner that poured salt on the wound already made by mentioning the dream at all.   Since we know that Joseph’s brothers were already smarting from the favoritism Jacob showed Joseph on a regular basis, the manner in which Joseph recounted the dream was as damaging as the dream itself.   

Taking a psychological approach, Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim of Luntschitz, known as the Keli Yakar, writes that Joseph’s transparent eagerness to share a dream with such an uncomfortable message revealed something about Joseph’s character to his brothers.    The Keli Yakar writes:

“They [Joseph’s brothers] hated him for his dreams and his words.  It is common knowledge that a person dreams of that which he spoke about during the day.   The brothers assumed he spoke about his constant thoughts of ruling over them and therefore, naturally dreamed about it at night.  This aroused their anger even more” (Keli Yakar on Bereishit 37:8).

According to the Keli Yakar, the brothers assumed that because Joseph had a dream about ruling over them, naturally one could conclude that Joseph must speak about ruling over his brothers during the daytime, for a person’s dreams are merely a reflection of their thoughts and actions during the day.  As a result, Joseph choosing the share his dreams led the brothers to attribute the most sinister intentions and motivations to their favored brother.   

When I read Parshat Vayeshev, and I see the way in which Joseph struggles as a boy to actualize his gifts without trampling upon the feelings of others, I think about what it means to teach our children about success.   On the one hand, each of us has the responsibility to help our children recognize their unique gifts, and maximize their potential to thrive.   On the other hand, we also have the responsibility to teach our children that being successful means nothing if they cannot accept their success with humility, not use success as a means to belittle others, and realize that our success is most valuable when others consider it well-deserved.  By learning from Joseph’s mistakes, may we teach our children that the message and the messenger teaches us a great deal about how to be a successful person.  

Shabbat Shalom!