Divrei Rav Josh- Parshat Hayyei Sarah: Seeds of Kindness

While many of us are still struggling in the recovery from Hurricane Sandy, everything from coping with a lack of gas or electricity to repairing or even rebuilding our homes, it becomes important for us to identify, as a community, those moments when someone shared an act of kindness with us.  Whether we relied upon a neighbor or friend for donated clothing, a working freezer, or a hot shower, all of us witnessed the kindness that one must give or receive during these crucial moments.  This principle is emphasized in Parshat Hayyei Sarah, where our commentators’ understanding of Rebecca as a character helps define how our Jewish tradition compels us to show kindness to one another.

The central event in the second half of Parshat Hayyei Sarah is the journey of Abraham’s servant Eliezer to find a wife for Isaac.   Since Eliezer is tasked with picking a woman that he never met to wed Isaac, Eliezer’s choice of Rebecca as a wife for Isaac is rooted not in physical appearance, although the Torah does remark that she is beautiful, but rather in Rebecca’s willingness to draw water for Eliezer’s camels multiple times.  The Torah states that Rebecca, “went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again...So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran again to the well to draw and drew...” (Bereishit 24:16, 20).  As a result, the Torah’s description of Rebecca focuses on a particular acts of generosity that, when observed by Eliezer, leads Rebecca to be identified as the ideal wife for Isaac.

Meir Shalev writes in his book Beginnings about how the first time certain emotions or actions appear in the Tanakh tells us a great about how the Tanakh understands the meaning and value of those actions.   Regarding Eliezer’s journey to find a spouse for Isaac, Shalev writes that Eliezer sought a sign that would indicate who ought to be Isaac’s partner, and thus Eliezer constructed his journey in a manner that would elicit helpful hints.   Shalev writes:

“The sign the servant thought up was not just any sign, but one that served both his immediate need and his greater goal.   A maiden who would say, “Drink, and I will also water your camels,” would make a good wife for Isaac--generous, resourceful, strong, kind, self-confident” (Meir Shalev, Beginnings, 15).

Shalev argues that Eliezer’s entire encounter was structured in a way that would lead him to the right spouse for Isaac, and it happens that Eliezer assumes that a person who demonstrates kindness and selfless service would be the right person to take with him, a fact that is echoed in our rabbinic commentaries.

Rabbi Meir Leibush ben Yechiel Michel, otherwise known as the Malbim, writes that Eliezer intentionally sought a woman whose kindness would be demonstrated by her actions.   The Malbim states:

“After selecting the most outwardly attractive of the damsels he required to find out more about her inner qualities and this he did by the “drink and I shall water your camels too” formula.   This would indicate that she was a hospitable, considerate and unassuming person...” (Malbim on Bereishit 24).  

According to the Malbim, the prospect of a caravan of thirsty travelers and livestock was the perfect setup to see whether or not an individual would look out for another’s interest, rather than their own.   As such, by Rebecca initiating her act of kindness, she reveals herself to be the kind of person worthy of forming a marital partnership.

Expanding on this idea, Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim ben Aaron Luntschitz, known as the Keli Yakar, writes that we learn an essential lesson by virtue of the fact that Eliezer felt that kindness was the sole means by which he should evaluate Rebecca.  The Keli Yakar states:

“Eliezer tested Rebecca’s quality of generosity and kindness only....what they obviously meant was that one should look for good deeds to test if she had a “beautiful eye,” i.e. a generous and kindly disposition and kind heart.   For if she looked at people with a kindly and unjaundiced eye then she was undoubtedly endowed with all the other sterling moral qualities” (Keli Yakar on Bereishit 24).

The Keli Yakar wants us to understand kindness as the means by which all other good qualities flourish, and if Eliezer wants to find a single means by which to evaluate a potential spouse for Isaac, then deeming Rebecca to be a kind and considerate person meant that it was likely that she possessed many other holy qualities, as well.

As all of continue to rebuild following Hurricane Sandy, please take a moment to think about how you and your family understand what it means to show kindness to one another.   What were moments when you showed kindness to someone else, or when someone showed kindness to you?   What were moments when you needed an act of kindness, but none came?    How will you use this horrific event to shape the way you perform acts of kindness in future?   In each case, when we think about what it means to educate a child at Schechter, or what it means to be a member of the Schechter community, we are obligated to learn from Rebecca’s email, and see how Eliezer’s journey to find Rebecca can teach us that basic kindness is a seed by which most other important qualities come to blossom.  When succeed in sharing and showing kindness, we create an environment where other feel supported and seen, and ready to shine.   May we continue on that pathway.  

Shabbat Shalom!